I feel like most of you have been so supportive through the shit and tough times that I have shared with you on the Staying alive with Five blog, I think that it is as important to talk and celebrate the positives too.
For the last two years not only have we been on a rollercoaster of a ride in terms of our autism journey with Bodhi but also behind the scenes we have been trying to secure a mortgage to buy a home of our own.
You know, as we felt life wasn’t quite as stressful enough!
Before Ian and I met, I moved out of home at the age of 22 with my then four month old daughter. I have spent the last almost sixteen years renting various houses within the same area and moved a total of five times.
Sixteen fucking years!!
That is a long time when you look at it.
People may call it “dead money” but you know what, I am proud of our homes even if they were rented and not mine so to speak, I really appreciated where we lived and our journey as the family expanded and I feel each house did its job at that particular point in our lives and for that I am forever grateful.
It is a vicious circle in terms of needing your own space, paying the rent, staying on top of the bills, making sure you have food on the table and the place is warm versus trying to have a life and then they also want you to save a deposit for a house. With what, fucking Cadbury’s buttons?
You don’t need me to tell you the way in which the game has changed, how you nearly need a bald eagles left eye from the top of Mount Katmandu and the blood of a fucking virgin on a Tuesday in order to be considered suitable, not to mind the ridiculous deposit required and how people are finding it next near to impossible to get a step on any ladder.
To be brutally honest, I was very apprehensive at ever being able to get ahead or find a place of our own.
I could always see it in my mind, I did know deep down it would all come together but I guess the practicality always had the edge and it was where the doubt lay.
The shit we came up against really challenged us, it was soul destroying, there seemed to be constant problems, it made us question if we were even doing the right thing at the end of the day, was it worth it, like issues with land registry which meant the initial mortgage expired and had to be re applied for all over again, then another child had been born within that timeframe which changed the way in which we were considered as you need to set aside x amount of money per child each month, how we had to start from scratch a third time in terms of savings and proof, in the end it was the bones of two years from start to finish. We were beginning to think there was a vendetta against us at one point, it was either totally consuming or we were allergic to even talking about it as we couldn’t see the wood for the trees.
After almost two long years, shit has gotten real, we are offically grown ups, we have done it, we have bought our own home.
We are very excited and overwhelmed to start this new journey with our family, we wont be moving for awhile as we have lots to do and prepare, hence the upcoming project I often mentioned vaguely on the page.
So now the fun starts at creating spaces and places for everyone, bedrooms to suit all from baby to teenage years, a sensory space for Bodhi so when he gets overwhelmed rather than everyone in the house having to move to give him space, he is taken to his own sensory room where he can calm down and the area can be designed especially for him. This will be located near his bedroom and he will begin to understand that he can signal to go there when he feels he needs to, which we think will help him massively and reduce the meltdowns when we aren’t picking up on triggers immediately.
On top of this we need to create a family room / play room, design a new kitchen and utility space for our large family (and my apparent sideline as a Chinese laundry lady), do some cosmetic work throughout like painting, flooring, colourful textiles and prints, create a useful outdoor space that can be used whatever the weather and most importantly make use out of every square inch storage wise. It is going to be a project I am really looking forward to getting stuck into, as I don’t often get the opportunity to use this part of my brain, to be creative and I am thankfully going to be working with a very talented lady who is going to help me and I am really, really excited about learning a lot from her, I will be sharing more details on that as it happens.
Suffice to say the last few months I am up into the early hours trying to visualise what will go where, what year Bosco was on the telly, what furniture I really need to leave behind, if it is time to dye the ol gruaige again, what things we need to invest in, how to smuggle out all the toys I dont want them to bring, what wall that you can make a feature out of, how to rob a bank to do it all, how to make the most of the amazing view, if George had 5 cookies and shared none how he would get a kick in the hole, how it is imperative that you have a boundary and closed off access so Bodhi cant escape.
Any parent out there with a child who has autism or special needs will tell you that their child will have little to no concept of danger, that paired with the inability to communicate and living near a beach could be a recipe for disaster if not designed properly. Look, you have to be prepared. It is simply not an option to move in and do it after, everything has to be in order before we put a foot inside the door so he knows the lay of the land, so to speak.
You simply cannot tell him to wait by the door, don’t open the gate, don’t talk to strangers, don’t get into a car, don’t go into the water without an adult, it unfortunately doesn’t work like that. You need to be on your guard the whole time, the safety of your child is paramount and people may think you are being a tad excessive but precautionary measures have to be put in place to ensure that there are no ways in which he can take off. So by creating a space specifically for him outside, yet giving him the freedom to be able to go out and explore on his own, while I sit from a distance observing but not smothering him, is going to be a huge deal for us all and I maintain he will benefit massively from such a small change, as we simply cant do that where we are now at the moment.
So a lot of things have to be done but I know it will be amazing when it all comes together.
I am going to keep the page up to date about the big things, don’t worry I wont bore you all about sockets and light fittings, people love a good before and after so I will be sure to capture those and share some interesting and helpful info as I go which maybe some of you can put into place in your own home. Most importantly lads, my aim is this is all going to be done on a budget and within a budget so it is going to be achievable and doable for all!
So, with that in mind, they say that moving house, getting married and having a baby can be three of the most stressful life events.
You know how I don’t like to do these things by half, how a two year battle for a house isn’t quite enough to take on.
So for the last few months I have also kept a pretty mahoosive secret.
Does “Shitting Bricks with Six” have the same effect blog wise, I wonder?!
To answer some of your questions:
- Nope, it was not planned
- Nope, I am not part manufacturing plant
- Yes, big surprise, it has taken me almost five months to get over the shock
- Contrary to belief, we do have a telly
- As sarcastic as I am, I am only just beginning to calm down and not have bad anxiety due to the previous losses
- Yes, we do actually watch the telly
- I am only now allowing myself to get excited and needing all positive vibes please
- Yes, of course I gave away all my baby stuff
- I didn’t want to share the news for a long time as I wasn’t in the right head space to be prepared for peoples opinions and often, negativity, so, I, like a true Mama Bear went into hibernation and this is why whenever you saw me I was always in a grey coat which hid the ol bumpity bump
- Yes, this is my 8th pregnancy and peoples reactions when they ask if its my first are comical
- No, I am not going to find out the sex, sure all the baby needs is vests, babygros and an ol’ boob or two for the first few weeks anything else is just extra
- No, it is not twins. Yes I am sure.
- No, I have no idea on names, yes I realise the Famous Five are a hard act to follow
- Yes, I know my bump is big
- Finito may possibly be in the running name wise
- Yes I know the name of the blog is Staying alive with Five
- Yes, I probably do know all the nurses on first name basis in CUMH
- No, I am not sure if I will change the name of the blog, on a serious note, the blog is a hobby, it doesn’t pay the bills, it just keeps me slightly sane so its not the be all and end all, the priority is the baby and my health and safety so I have tunnel vision on that right now, anything else can all be figured out after, when I am offered millions for my book and telly deal ha
- No sickness, just bate and the cravings this week are beetroot wrapped in ham and Loop the Loop icecreams, not together obvs (did anyone pick up on my subtle needing a Wibbly Wobbly Wonder post recently?!)
- Yip, I know I will have my hands full, but better than empty!!
Many thanks for all your well wishes and positive vibes ❤ its great to have good news for a change, 2018 you have been fucking beautiful to us so far!!